Ooooh yeah, you know what I’m talking about.

Tardiness is a huge problem in the desi community – I mean, huge. Do you even remember the last time you arrived at the time stated on the invitation card? I don’t.

The unspoken South Asian code of timing is to add an extra hour to the start time you were given. So, if you are invited for 7pm sharp, we all know that we can arrive anywhere between 7:30 and 8:00 and still be considered “on time.” If you arrive before 7:30, you will be among the first few guests. If you actually arrive at 7pm, you are early – most likely, the host is wrapping up the prep work and/or just starting to get dressed. Yup, been there right?

Us sisters are really punctual. We are usually among the first few guests at dawats (parties)… and it sucks.

I don’t really understand why we do this – especially at weddings. There is usually a tight schedule that the bride/groom want to stick to on their big day, soooo why do we feel the need to adjust the day according to our own timings? Nooo idea.

Don’t do it.

Learn to be on time people.

I love kids but I have to put this out there.

I don’t understand why parents bring misbehaved kids to weddings.

I know many couples opt to have a “no children allowed” policy at weddings (becoming increasingly popular at desi weddings), but I don’t agree with that. Well, not entirely anyway. I think it’s great to have children at weddings – especially since we’re not living in countries where we have our roots. Weddings are a perfect place for children to see and understand the richness of their culture. If kids only hear about weddings, but don’t actually experience them until they are older, I think they will miss out.

Sooo I do think it’s great to have little people at weddings.

BUT, what I can’t ever agree with is misbehaved kids – the ones that hang off curtains; dip their hands in your mehendi (henna) trays and then try to touch your clothes; run around on your stage ruining every picture; dance their way onto the dance-floor when there’s a choreographed performance happening; ruin your entrance/rukhsati by walking between you and your husband… the list is endless.

Kids are kids, they don’t know what’s right or wrong unless someone tells them. Naturally, it annoys me that when I see children acting out at weddings, their parents just sit back and relax. They will literally just sit there and continue talking to other aunties and uncles – completely oblivious to the antics of their children.

Parents – DON’T ruin someone elses big day. Just because you are at a wedding does not mean you can stop parenting. Look after your children, tell them when they are doing something wrong and above all, explain to them about the importance of being well-behaved at such an important event.

And if you can’t handle your kids behaviour, hire a baby-sitter or call an aunty or uncle and leave them home. Teach them and prepare them for the next wedding and when they are ready, bring them along!

You know what I’m taking about.

After reading my wedding guestlist post, a friend of mine and I were talking and ofcourse, the issue of uninvited guests came up.

It happens all the time – especially at desi weddings. You’re at the door, greeting the guests and suddenly you’re asking yourself, “ummm – who the heck is this person?” or “that family wasn’t invited, were they?”  or how do you react when someone calls and tells you they’re bringing an extra (or 2 or 3) family members? or when somebody imposes, “I got the invite for the wedding, but I couldn’t find the invite for the reception” (duh, you’re not invited)

Awkward.

I have ofcourse never dealt with this personally, but I’ve heard/seen it happen many times. I think people decide to just show up not because they are rude or have malicious intent (I’m sure some might), but because they are excited to see the bride/groom. Obviously, regardless of how much you want to see the bride/groom, it is inconsiderate to invite yourself/your family to someone elses big day.

So, how do you handle this situation?

A few simple ideas for:

1. Before Your Wedding Day

• Venue Numbers: Chances are, you have already given your final headcount to the venue. If this is the case, be honest and let your guest know that you won’t be able to accommodate them because you have given your final numbers
• Limited Seating: many venues can accommodate last-minute changes in the number of guests. However, alot of them can’t. If the space you have can accommodate 300 people, and you already have 300 people who have RSVP’d, you physically cannot add anyone else in
• Mention Your Budget: At the end of the day, it all does come down to money. You can politely mention that you’re on a limited budget and therefore will not be able to accommodate extra guests.
• Suck It Up: grit your teeth, put a smile on your face and send out the invite

2. On Your Wedding Day

• Suck It Up: you don’t want anything/anyone to take away from your day. So smile, be gracious and welcome the guest. Let the uninvited feel invited.
• Invitation-Only: this is a trend that seems to be gaining popularity. Inspired by celebrity weddings, many brides/grooms are now announcing that entry is by invitation-only. Present your invitation card at the door, and you’ll be invited inside. There is a “backup” guestlist incase someone forgets their invitation card
• Get Out: probably the harshest thing someone can do. When you spot somebody you didn’t want at your wedding, tell someone from you bridal party or your wedding planner to politely ask them to leave. Too harsh for me but hey, many brides/grooms feel that they paid for their wedding day to be perfect – if someone can be rude enough to just show up, everything is fair.

Ultimately, it is up to you to decide what to do. It is your special day so don’t ruin it by stressing on unwanted/uninvited guests. Whether it is an uninvited guest before or on your wedding day, make your decision quickly and get it done with. There’s no reason to harp on about it.

Oh, and to those who self-invite: DON’T!