Happy New Year everyone! Hope this year brings you lots of health, happiness and blessings. Nouman and I were going to go downtown to Nathan Phillips Square to celebrate, but we felt bad because my brother-in-law would have been alone. Instead, we called over all of Nouman’s cousins and had a movie-night in.

I’m going to be honest, I was VERY anxious about the day after the rukhsati. It’s one thing to meet Nouman’s family at dawats but it is a completely new feeling to be part of someones family suddenly. I had around a million questions in my head:

1. What time should we go upstairs?
2. What will I wear?
3. How dressed up should I be?
4. Where would I sit once I was upstairs? If the kids separate, should I sit with the adults or the cousins?
5. Would Nouman be with me?
6. What do I SAY?

All these thoughts, even though I had known Nouman’s family all my life, had been racing through my mind the entire week leading up to the wedding. As you know, I like to be prepared so I decided to choose the most conservative approach to everything. This is how it all played out:

1. I wanted to wake up at a decent time but I know that Nouman likes to sleep in. Noon would be the latest we would go upstairs. Thankfully, we were both awake by 10am because of all the commotion upstairs. This gave us plenty of time to shower and get dressed.
2. I lucked out with this one. My sister-in-law had told me that most likely Nouman’s mom would have something picked out for me but I had packed a semi-formal suit, just-in-case. After the rukhsati, Nouman’s mom showed me 3-4 suits that she had set aside for me so I wore one of those.
3. I knew that Nouman’s family would want to see me wearing atleast some jewellery, as would mine when they brought breakfast. Hence, I wore 3 gold chooriyan on each hand, my wedding/engagement rings and a ring that Nouman’s dadi had given me the day before. Besides my foundation, I wore eyeliner, blush and lipgloss.
4. 4,5,6 – It was surprisingly very easy to go with the flow. I was definitely nervous as Nouman and I walked upstairs. We came upstairs, said salaam and hugged everyone (we made Nouman hug everyone too) and then sat down on the couch. Everyone started talking and Nouman’s family made me feel completely at ease. Nouman sat with me the entire time and thankfully, nobody separated. Everyone was super sweet; the younger guy cousins continuously asked me if I needed/wanted anything and if I was okay, Nouman’s dadi told him to put food on my plate, Nouman’s mom asked me a few times if I wanted to go lie down/freshen up – the list is endless. Nouman was also very good Alhamdulilah – he made sure he was with me the entire time and he probably asked me if I was okay atleast 100 times. Truth be told, I did not talk nearly as much as I do because of my nerves

Overall, the day unfolded as below:

• We woke up, went back and forth exclaiming “OMG! We’re married!”, showered, dressed and went upstairs.
• My family was bringing brunch but the boys got hungry so everyone started munching on breakfast
• My family arrived around 1:30pm. I was super happy to see everyone but I was sad that my parents didn’t come. Apparently, the tradition is that the “young” cousins/females of the family take breakfast. I still don’t understand why. We chatted with everyone, had brunch, took pictures and then it was time for them to go back – all too soon! I showed all the mami’s and my sisters our living space in the basement and then they were off. I was definitely very sad and almost cried once the door closed. Nouman and his mom tried to console me and then thankfully we got distracted by his family.
• Once my family left, everyone went back to the family room and started sharing funny childhood stories.
• Nouman’s friends came over to complete his reception slideshow so we hung out with them upstairs. This was the first time that I had been around so many guys alone.
• The rest of the evening is a blur – Nouman’s entire family slept over and everyone was just hanging out and having a good time. I was nervous most of the evening but his family did a great job in including me for everything.

Brunch

Continuing the Behind the Scenes series from the Wedding Day.

Once I was in the bridal room, our photographer and videographer continued my photoshoot. I pretended to fix my makeup, dupatta and  jewellery while they flashed and clicked away. I was constantly being visited by friends and family (yeay!) so I was able to keep myself distracted most of the time.

When Nouman’s baraat (procession) pulled into the driveway, my younger sister came in my room to tell me. I got excited. It felt like a gazillion years had passed before I could finally take a peak at Nouman through the gap between my door. Nouman wore a sehra (a headpiece worn by brides/grooms to cover their face before the Nikkah (marriage) ceremony) so I couldn’t see his face. I’m not going to lie – the louder the dhol got, the more my heart was racing. While everyone was busy with the baraat, I was smiling and crying in my room. Yup, imagine how creepy I would’ve looked if anyone walked into the room.

Nouman showing off

After Nouman made his entrance, appetizers were served (which were THE best – the venue brought me two platefuls and I devoured everything) and we waited for the Shaykh (the person marrying us) to arrive. We were running around 15 minutes behind schedule because the Shaykh arrived late but it definitely felt a lot longer to me. Finally, my mom, sisters and our photographers and videographer came into the room – it was time to make my entrance for the Nikkah. My mom draped a net dupatta on me and we headed out the door. As we exited the bridal room, I was very nervous and panicking as I saw people still entering the hall. At some point, the 2 staff members that were opening the hall doors for me told late guests to stop and wait.

I stood in the lobby with my parents, waiting for the doors to open. As I waited (it was probably only 10 seconds), I looked at the DJ and asked him why it was taking so long. He said he was waiting for a cue from my sisters – at this point I got a little annoyed and said, “I AM giving you the cue. Put on my song – loud!” He did as I asked. As the music started, my heart was pounding and I was extremely nervous. My legs felt like jello, my hands were freezing and I was overcome with emotions. As I waited, hand-in-hand with my parents, my dad asked “Ready?” and exactly 1 minute and 21 seconds into the song (yes, I timed it), the doors opened. We waited at the door for 10 seconds before we started walking. Right before my first step, I remember tipping back slightly as my legs started to shake. I remembered to keep my posture straight and walk slowly but at some point, I lost it. My emotions hit me like a brick and I started crying. My mom realized I was crying and whispered, “Shazaaaa… Kya hogaya hai… Bas Karo (Shaza, what happened… stop crying)” and then started crying herself. My dad also knew so he whispered my nickname in the tone when he knows I’m upset and is trying to cheer me up. Obviously, all of this did nothing except make me cry more. At some point, I looked up and saw my mamoo and he mouthed something about me crying and I laughed. I finally smiled again and then proceeded into my nikkah tent. Yes guys, I had a tent for my nikkah.

Entering the Nikkah tent with my parents

Once I had settled into my seat, my sisters draped the chaapi dupatta on my head and the Shaykh came to take my consent for the marriage. I was crying on and off until the Shaykh came inside the tent. I stopped once he was there because he joked around a little. When he did ask me for my consent in the marriage, I stared at him blankly for a few seconds – I think I had expected him to say a long speech to me but he got right to the point and I hadn’t expected to be asked so directly (don’t ask, I’m not sure what was going on in my head). Since I didn’t answer, my dad repeated the question and I got startled when realized they were talking to ME! I said yes (he also asked me if I agreed to the Mahr and if I have appointed my dad as my Wali (guardian)) and then he congratulated me and went to Nouman.

Signing the papers

While the Nikkah was happening, I cried alot. Alot. I also tried to peek at Nouman – he was directly infront of me across the room. I couldn’t see any of his expressions because of his sehra but I did see him smile once when the Shaykh cracked a joke. Once the Nikkah happened, my mom said, “Finally, Shaza (she said my nickname)!!” and I cried and laughed. Hugs and kisses went around the room and then I was finally ready to walk to the stage.

My parents, sisters and I walked hand-in-hand to the stage. As I walked to Nouman, I remember looking at nothing but the ground and him.  I remember looking into his eyes as I made my way to him and trying not to laugh (and cry) as he gave me the smirk that he reserves just for me. Finally, I was holding his hand and standing beside him. I think we said HEY, We’re MARRIED!, I hugged his parents and sister-in-law and said salaam to my brother-in-law. Once we were seated, we took a few family shots and then did the ring exchange. Just like our engagement, Nouman quietly asked me if he was putting the ring on the right hand. He always gets confused.

My ring

Immediately after the ring exchange, my dad said a few words and then dinner was served. Nouman and I went to do our photoshoot while everyone was eating. Again, we were swarmed by people as we made our way out – we were happy that so many people could attend our special day. While getting our pictures taken, we were in a completely different world. I was giddy and the two of us couldn’t stop smiling. When our photographer asked Nouman to put his arms around me, I thought how strange it felt for us to be so close while our parents and families looked on (every now and then, I would catch my mom, his mom or my sisters walk by with a smile on their face as they looked at us). The whole night felt surreal.

Our very own paparazzi – this one was taken by a friend’s camera

As we made our way inside the hall from the lobby, the server designated to us repeatedly asked us if she could set up a dinner area for us. We told her not to worry about it. I saw the dessert table and couldn’t resist – I told her I would have a little bit of dessert inside. Unfortunately, I could only have a few bites before we were ushered back on the stage for the slideshow.

My younger sister made the slideshow and it was amazing. She even included a short video of me acting like a bride at the age of 2. After the slideshow, we had speeches and dhoodh pilai and then it was time for jootha chupai. After the jootha chupai, it was time for the rukhsati. I can’t even start to describe how I felt during the rukhsati.

Dhoodh Pilai

I started getting emotional from the moment that I realized it was time – Noumans dad came on the stage to put his haar back on and I think I had a blank look on my face. As we both stood up, Nouman took my hand and tried to give me a smile. I think I smiled back but it was one of those ugly smiles – lips trembling, your heart in your throat, and fighting to keep back tears. I maintained my composure until we were almost at the lobby.

I was a jumble of emotions - I was happy and yet so, so, so sad. I felt I was leaving a part of myself behind. I was embarking on a new journey; one that would not always include the people I am used to seeing everyday. Up until that day, my family was always with me when I received bad news or got excited about something good. From now on, Nouman would be that person. Don’t get me wrong, I was happy that Nouman and I were finally together but my family is a big part of me. Leaving my parents home felt like I was leaving everything I know. The fact that I was starting this new phase of life was daunting – living with a boy for the first time (I have no brothers), trying to maintain good relations with my inlaws and hoping that I could keep everyone (including myself) happy. All these emotions, while knowing that I am only moving 1 hour away from my parents AND marrying the person I want to marry. Yeah, I still don’t get it. Trying to describe rukhsati emotions in words just cannot do justice.

Once we were outside, my mom was nowhere to be found. Turns out, she was trying to stay away so that I don’t get emotional – geez. I hugged everyone and cried like a baby. My mother-in-law and Noumans aunts were also crying – they get emotional whenever they see a rukhsati. Nouman’s mom joked with me between her own tears and I stopped crying for a while. I then hugged someone else and the water works started all over again. I remember my dad patting my hand as I hugged my mom, my mom telling me to stop crying, me telling my younger sister that I knew she’d have to cry (leading up to the wedding, I had told her that if she didn’t cry, I would pinch her until she does) and my older sister telling me that she loves me.

In the car

Sigh.

Nouman helped me in the car and I asked my mom if she had put my bag in their car. I cried and waved as we pulled away. I cried on and off throughout the car ride home. Nouman’s parents were in the car with us and they did their best to distract me. Nouman was trying to console me/whispering things to make me laugh.

At Nouman’s house, we took pictures with the rukhsati car and then proceeded inside for some rasms and gift giving. We did the rasm of looking for a ring in the water to see who will wear the pants in the relationship – unlike the movies, the game did not go on for ages. Nouman found the ring within seconds. Nouman had told me that the youngest devar (brother-in-law) sits on the brides lap and she gives him money. For us, Nouman had told me it would be his 6 month old nephew but unfortunately he fell asleep. By the time he woke up, he was slightly cranky and we didn’t do the rasm.

Although Nouman found the ring first, Nouman’s cousins yelled out that there was another ring. I dug in and pulled out the second one

The two most vivid emotions from the wedding day are happiness/a sense of peace and feeling shaky/nervous.

*All the images used in this post are via Big Al Studios unless stated otherwise.*

I was supposed to complete my “Behind the Scenes” posts but life got in the way and I’ve fallen behind. Anyway, it’s time to continue behind the scenes on the day of the mehendi. Click here for part 1.

Walking up to Nouman on the mehendi was probably one of the best moments of the day. I waved at him and I could see him smiling ear to ear – but he was visibly nervous to me. Once I was on the stage, I relaxed and waved around at a billion people. The next little portion is a blur – I think some of Nouman’s family came up to take pictures but I have no recollection of time elapsed during that period.

Photography by Big Al Studios

The next thing I remember is when Nouman and I got up to take our pictures while everyone was eating dinner. We were swarmed by people as we tried to make our way out of the room. We talked to as many people as we could and then scuttled off to take pictures outside. Once we were outside, I felt like we were in a different world. It was just Nouman and I (and our photographer/videographer team but by this point, it felt completely normal to have them around) and it felt really good to get away from everyone – not in a bad way! Simply because we were finally together after not seeing each other for 1 month! The photoshoot was fun because we got to pose but also because we talked away from everyone else.

Once we were done the outdoor photoshoot, we headed back inside so we could take a few more pictures in an indoor setting. Again, we greeted people, chit chatted and took pictures. As we were heading back inside the room, I saw the cotton candy machine we had ordered and immediately broke the line (priviledges of being the bride) to eat some. Nouman was too nervous to eat but I downed my share easily!

After settling back into our chairs, our families started the rasms (rituals). First, Noumans mom put on a haar and gajray on me. Then, my mom put 1 paan each (beetle leaf) on Nouman and my hands – she had decorated the paan leaf with gold trimming. We were then fed sweets, had mehendi (henna) put on our leaf and people circled money around our head to ward off the bad eye (nazar). Since the next day was the wedding, I kept fruits instead of traditional sweets (mithai) – I was not going to risk breaking out! I have to mention that within the first few bites of eating, Nouman started to gag and he fake-ate for pictures the rest of the night.

Photography by Big Al Studios

Towards the end of the rasms, our families started the dholki portion and they sang the night away. At this point, Nouman kept nervously asking me if he could step out for a bit to where all the guys were. I had no idea what was going on and kept telling him to stop being so nervous (typical of me). Little did I know that he was nervous about what was going to happen soon.

Photography by Big Al Studios

Anyway, once the dholki was done, my dad sang a lullaby that he used to sing to me when I was a little girl. That was the moment that it truly hit me that I was getting married – TOMORROW! I was looking at my dad singing the song then I looked over at my mom and sisters and all of a sudden I was so overwhelmed; I couldn’t help but cry.

After the performance by my dad, the dances of the night began! They were all amazing and so well choreographed (Nouman and I are so thankful for everyone who participated!). During the first dance, I was pulled onto the stage and I tried following the steps that everyone was doing - it was fun and unexpected. Both Nouman and I were pulled onto the second dance by all my lovely family friend girls. I was extremely shy because this was the first time Nouman and I were dancing together! I don’t think I looked him in the eye except maybe a few glances here and there. Me, a bashful bride? Who would’ve thought it?! The third dance we were pulled up for was also unexpected but I totally didn’t dance; it was a boys dance and I was surrounded by 8-10 guys so I swayed and clapped while Nouman did the carlton (no joke). My sisters also did a dance and they pulled us up – although we were expecting this one. Last minute, my sisters and I decided that Nouman and I should be part of their dance. Since we didn’t have time to practice, we described the dance moves to Nouman on the phone. It wasn’t anything major but it was still fun because it was on the song “Dola Re Dola.” More details on why we chose that song when I post the video! The last dance, a surprise, was the Kolaveri Di dance that Nouman took part in. This was why he was nervous all night – he had only practiced it once and he likes to be perfect when he dances. It was great.

The end of the choreographed dances marked the beginning of the open dance floor. This was super fun!! Everyone danced for a long time and we all reluctantly parted ways after the DJ announced the last song.

Me, dancing the night away.
Photography by Big Al Studios

That night, I was a ball of emotions in bed: I smiled, cried, and could not believe that our wedding day was just a few hours away!

Before our wedding, I always wondered how the bride felt before each wedding event and what the energy of a “shaadi wala ghar” (wedding house) was like. I’ve given you a detailed description about the day of the mayoun – now it’s time to revisit each of the other events.

The day before our Mehendi was extremely fun and felt surreal. My family spent the day talking, eating and preparing for the BIG DAYS – we lined up everything we needed for each day and grouped them accordingly. I also had all my grooming appointments that day – waxing, manicure & pedicure. Once I got home, my mehendi artist came and we started on the mehendi.

The real fun began when all my uncles, aunts and cousins came over. We were getting mehendi done, eating, chit-chatting and dholkying it up. It felt really unreal; I had the biggest grin on my face for most of the night. My mom and sisters would randomly ask me if it had hit me yet and yes, that was the night it really started to hit me. That night was just what I had wanted; laid back, relaxed and full of family and fun. We only stopped partying because our concierge called about complaints from neighbours. Geez.

When I went to bed that night, I remember lying awake in bed feeling happy (Alhamdulilah), giddy and a little nervous. I definitely had butterflies in my stomach but I also couldn’t stop smiling into my pillow. I was one day closer to being a Mrs.

My hands

Food and Words

Kids hanging out. Do you like the decor? My sisters and I did them!

Stay tuned for more Behind The Scenes posts

You might be wondering what I was upto in the bridal room… No? Oh well, I’m going to tell you anyway!

Most of the time, I had visitors in there. There were 2 or 3 times when I was completely alone – it was good to have a few minutes of peace amidst all the craziness. It’s a weird feeling to be sitting in the bridal room as THE BRIDE. Everytime someone would come in, we would squeal with excitement and gush over how amazing everything/everyone looked. Most of the time, it didn’t hit me that I was the one getting married. It hit me like a ton of bricks each time I was alone – especially on the shaadi day.

Each day, I stuffed my face with a huge portion of appetizers. I definitely wasn’t one of the brides who starved themselves.

Mehendi – this was half way into my plate of appetizers. I’d had 3 spring rolls and 2 of the potato looking things when I took this picture

On the wedding day, I was actually pretty nervous while I waited. I was perfectly okay when I was surrounded by people but as soon as I was alone, I got the jitters!

Day of the wedding – I downed all the veggie/fish. The younger one walked in on me stuffing my face. She made fun of me but then joined in

I got REALLY nervous when I heard the baraat entering. I decided to spy on them from my room. Ofcourse.

Peeking through

The Valima day was the most relaxed. Nouman was with me and I felt calm most of the time – it might have been all the chocolate I consumed while waiting!

Working on his speech

… And now you know what I was upto!